does love really always win?

Here I am again typing some long ass post at 4:30am in the morning when I should be using this time to study. But hey, it's been awhile since I've posted something here so might as well. It has been a rollercoaster ride for me, in fact, the scariest ride I've ever been on, and people who know me will know that I'm fucking afraid of taking rollercoaster rides (Those that are unnecessarily scary) (Not when I'm younger, idk why how it became to this now).

Previous post might have been about my previous relationship that fortunately, ended last year in the month of Oct-Nov. It was hella of a ride but I would gladly say that nope, I dont regret any bit of it. Because I know that in that relationship, I've given my best at that point of time, with who I was as a person then. I have went through physical and mental torture, so much that it has hurt my mind, soul and heart and all of those broken pieces are still left untouched. People used to call me stupid, for constantly being stuck in such a toxic relationship for such a long time when many people would have already chose to walk away. I couldn't because it's in me, I'm someone who always hold on to the slightest amount of hope even when there was already nothing left for me to hold on to. Arguments after arguments, time and time again I was hurt by mistakes and stupidity, day after day of having to continue it regardless of how hopeless it already was, I was still there, thinking that "hey, maybe someday it will all be better.", "maybe one day all the what ifs will come true", "maybe one day, I will get to see that promises are rlly not meant to be broken". I was wrong, but that doesn't change how I am as a person till today, or even till god knows when.

And yes, my answer is still no, I have never regretted it. From there, I have learnt lessons and been through experiences that I never thought I would. Giving up one whole semester of school just to have to extend my school term now, constantly binge drinking every single fucking day because that might have seem like the only thing for me to do whenever I felt sober, going out and making new friends and have to put up a strong front and a fake smile just so in hopes that people and company can actually fill the void. All these has led me to realise that hey, every action bears a consequence behind it. And yet, I'm still grateful that I got to go through that, because now, I find myself getting back on track, I find myself being able to actually focus on what is important in my life and having self-control over my own life instead of another person having control over it.

Sometimes I will still find myself in the pits, drowning in my own self-pity, getting random panic attacks and breakdowns whenever I'm feeling emotional but I'm learning to tell myself that that's okay. People who claim that they love you, should love you for who you are and what you are be it when you're on mountain highs or valley lows.

People who actually gives a fuck about my life genuinely will know that I'm currently in a relationship and in fact, this feels like a whole new experience to me. That's when I also realize, that every relationship is different and the whole concept of love is just new and oddly unique. Sure, I do have my fears and insecurities from time to time, short tempered moments, petty and unreasonable moments but above all, I'm starting to be more independent because at the end of the day, you only have yourself. Rather than always pinning hopes and expectations on my partner, in fact, I'm starting to pin expectations for myself, such as not wanting to overreact, not wanting to overthink, not wanting to flare up at the smallest details but the funny thing is I still find myself failing and falling. I'm as confused as any normal human being out there, like what should I do? Is this ever enough for the other person? Does the person actually LOVES me for who I am? Is this going to be a long-term and always thing? Will it eventually turn into a habitual companionship? To put it all in a whole, I'm afraid. I can't help but think that what if one day, the whole cycle repeats itself again, I have to pick myself up all over again, I have to go through shit alone again, Jesus Christ I'm really afraid of that. That is the only "what if" that I dont want it to come true. And yet, it doesnt stop me from giving my all.

As much as I want to be strong, at the end of the day, I'm only human. God knows what will happen in the future, but I hope that by then, whatever happens, I will be strong enough for myself because love is in everything, the good and the bad, the joy and the pain (it sounds fucking cliche i know). Till next time, I only want to be a better version of myself, for myself.

back

Finally am back with blogging and I'm thinking of making this blog "alive" again haha
It's been a few months since I even last logged in to this gmail account since I have 2, and this is mainly just for my blog.
Glad to be back :-)

Exams are finally over and tbh, I have mixed feelings. Part of me is looking forward to celebrating and relaxing for the next 7 weeks but on the other hand, exams left me with regrets. And i guess, this happens to almost everyone (?), thinking that we've not studied enough and we're not gonna do well and such.

People kept asking me, " How were your exams! "
My reply would be " Uh.... not bad but I screwed up my last paper"
And yes I did.
I'm not saying it because I think "oh im just gonna get a pass " or " oh i lost careless marks "
but I really did screw it up, there's probably less than a 50% chance that I would even pass haha
And yes, I cried after my paper.
I cried because I don't want to retake this module and have my semesters pushed back by 1 more sem,
when people are graduating imma be like " oh congrats i have to stay for one more sem "
This feeling sucks and I know this feeling won't go away.

But then, I was reminded the prayer that I made before every single paper.
"God, I pray that be it good or bad, I will still want to praise Your name. Be it good or bad, I still want to give thanks to you. "
Be it good or bad.

Should I be all sad and blame God for not seeing me through the paper, for not blessing me with answers during the paper? No. Irregardless of circumstances, God is still constant.

Yes, as disappointed as I may be, I will want to praise, I still want to sing of His promises.

So what if at the end of the day I really do have to retake the module? God will see me through. God will guide me through.

Results doesn't determine who you are in God's eyes. God doesn't favor people just because you're smart, just because you're wealthy, etc. God loves each and every one of us, just as we are.

Sure, I am praying also that God will make a miracle, that I'll be able to pass the module, but even if I don't, I still want to thank Him.

We all need to take a step back at times, instead of focusing on what you want to achieve, look at the bigger picture.

This holidays, I want to spend them wisely. Days when I have nothing on, I want to relax in God's presence, days when I have programs and practices to attend, I want to attend in God's presence. Even till the day when results are out, I want to be covered and comforted in God's presence.

Thank you Jesus, though we may fail, You never will.

"You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You
I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all"

consuming fire.

HI. I'm back!!! Realised that I'm always posting at like... ungodly hours LOL
Anyway, was thinking of posting this tmr (i mean, later) instead but I guess God wants me to post it now HAHAHA. Was scrolling through my photo album in my phone and came across this picture that I took while giving my wall a lil makeover.

Your fire that burns the brightest even in the darkest of nights.

And coincidentally, it kinda matches with something I received during last week's service.

\

Last week, I dont know is it just me or maybe because the seating plan was changed, I felt that the whole spiritual atmosphere during praise and worship was so amazing. (I'm not trying to imply that other weeks are not good, it's just that last week was particularly wow for me). The spirit was flowing through the whole place, and I couldn't help but smile widely during praise and tearing up during worship (not bipolar ok). God's presence was just so evident there and then. (on a side note... GOOD JOB WORSHIP TEAM) 

During worship, Jesus I live, I received a vision from God (I'm gonna claim it by faith). 

I saw a person covered in injuries. (warning: photo ahead may cause some discomfort LOL) 

Cuts, burnts, etc in this case, represents: 

1. The hurt we receive from the world (criticisms, insults, break-ups, sour relationships, family, abuse (emotionally and physically) and many many more)

2. The hurt we receive from our own sins that we are committing. 

Then, in front and above of the person, there was a ray of light and a pair of open arms. 

Open arms represents: 

God with His arms open wide.

"Come to me, those who are tired and weary, and I will give you rest. " 

Matthew 11:28 

Then, what came to me was two choices/responses.

1. We can choose to turn towards God and run into his open arms.

2. We can choose to turn away from God and continue living life according to what we think it's best. Denying His love and continue living with the pain and shame. (when it may not be the case)

Acts 3:19
19 Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,

Luke 5:31-32
31 Jesus answered them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 32 I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."

During the next song, 10,000 reasons. 
I saw another vision: 

Spirits (or rather, people.) rising up into the heavenly realms. 

Spirits of the people represents: 
People who are being saved by the grace of God. 

Acts 1:8
8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

~Still my soul will sing your praise unending.
Praising You in whatever circumstances we may be in. 
Praising isn't about how good or bad of a situation we may be in, but we praise because God is always good.
We'll still praise, we'll still sing.

"Dear God,
Firstly. I just want to thank You for Your unending love. Your abundant amount of love. I always fail you time and again, and sometimes I wonder "why..? ". Yet God, You still love me, You never forsake me. God I pray, I want to be more like You. More like You and less of me God. God, I repent. I'm sorry for always falling short of your standard. And I pray, for those who are hurt be it physically mentally or emotionally, I pray for your healing to be upon them. I pray that they'll receive your healing by faith. Even for those who have not accepted you into their lives, God I pray that it'll be evident that the supernatural healing comes from You. For nothing that we succeed in is by our own strength, but it's from You. Thank you Jesus. More of You, less of me. " 

Hillsong United - Consuming Fire 

There must be more than this,
O breath of God come breathe within,
There must be more than this,
Spirit of God we wait for You.

Fill us anew we pray,
Fill us anew we pray.

(Chorus)
Consuming fire fan into flame,
A passion for Your Name,
Spirit of God would You fall in this place,
Lord have Your way,
Lord have Your way with us,

Come like a rushing wind,
Clothe us with power from on high,
Now set the captives free,
Leave us abandoned to Your praise.

Lord let Your glory fall,
Lord let Your glory fall.

Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
A passion for Your Name.

Miracles In Cell No. 7

HI ALL
As you can see from the title, it's pretty obvious that I'm gonna be posting about....
MIRACLES IN CELL NO. 7 TODAY
Before I start, for those who don't actually know what's Miracles in cell no. 7
and you're like, " huh what is that? 能吃的吗？"
SORRY TO DISAPPOINT but nope, 不能吃，只能看

TADA this is the poster for the movie, LOL they are all too cute

I was first introduced to this movie during the LGXLG Polydins camp, which just ended like.. yesterday (and i mean on sunday, since tdy is a new day alr lol)
I have heard of the movie before and kinda know it is a really touching movie, but I haven't watched it myself before camp.
LEMME TELL YOU, HANDS DOWN, THE BEST AND MOST TOUCHING MOVIE EVER.
Even though it's a korean movie, but Thank God for subtitles, I'm able to understand.
BUT YES, apart from that, I think the whole plot and message that the movie was trying to bring across was really wow. *stands and claps in ovation*
Not only that, I think all the actors/actresses did a rlly great job too, if it's not for their acting, the movie wouldn't be convincing as well.

I'll try not to add any spoilers to this post because I'm worried that some of you may not have watched it before but here's what I think and a brief summary on what this movie is actually about. (idk why am i giving a brief summary of it when you can actually find a more reliable and detailed one than mine through google lol) 

Basically, this movie conveys the message of the strong love and bond between a father and his daughter. Not only that, but also the bond between him and his cell mates as well. The movie didn't start off with a really happy setting (like the scene on how he got into jail and how ppl judged and hated him), but as it goes, things started to change and even till the last sec of the movie, it was enjoyable and touching. 

Just watched it with my dad just now, and we both cried till our eyes were literally on the verge of rolling out LOL. I guess my dad could relate to it too since he's a father himself, but ok, i cried as much (or actually, even more than i did) the first time i watched it 

Similarly, the love that the father showed and showered upon his daughter is just like the love that God showers upon us. Though we cannot physically see or touch Him, but it's amazing how we are still able to experience His love through blessings or even supernaturally. In the movie, the daughter loved her dad alot too, supporting him, loving him, caring for him, etc etc.

But something to ask ourselves is, " are we doing the same to God? Are we loving Him as He love us? Or are we taking Him for granted and "putting" Him aside when we are busy or occupied or troubled with other things? "  

John 3:16

New International Version (NIV)

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

A verse that most of us may be familiar with. But in this verse, the amount of love that God has showered and is still showering upon us is indescribable. I don't even know what else to say because I'm just so overwhelmed by it LOL. Though it's just a movie(i know i know, some of you may say it's acting), but if the father in the movie can love his daughter this much, imagine this, God (a perfect God) loves us (sinful man and woman who isn't even worthy) THIS MUCH (actually no, i think it's even larger than that LOL) 

But yeah, on a side note, please please go and watch this movie if you haven't alr done so. I really recommend it, it's too good. 

Dear God, 

Thank You for your unending love for me. 

Break my heart for what breaks Yours. 

Hi to the non-existent people reading this hahahaha I'm back with another post.
It's like 3:37am now(prolly around 4 after i post this) but I have the sudden urge to post a post so here I am to post #seewhatididthere?

Service was da bomb. And what I mean by da bomb.... IT WAS HELLA GOOD. Even though I didn't receive any special visions or words, but through the extended worship session, God's presence just poured out so so so so so (x9999999) much that I couldn't help but cry out (literally.) and I'm sure many/ most of us were also touched by His presence. I'm so so thankful to You. Only through You, we are refreshed. Only through You, we receive unconditional love, not just now, but for eternity. I can't help but smile widely to myself whenever I think that " God, I'm so unworthy, why have I done to deserve all Your love? I don't deserve it. But yet, You still love me. " God is a indescribable God. I know this isn't alot of words to read, I still wanna type so much more, but idk what to write/type because I'm just so overwhelmed and amazed by His presence. woooooooooooooo

Taking time out and spending time with God does not suck away your energy to a 0%, but instead, it restores and refreshes us 101%. 

Thankful. Thank You.

\

AND ON A SIDE NOTE, I HAPPEN TO WATCH GENTLEBONE'S PERFORMANCE FOR FREE AT NLB (National Library Board) OMGGGGGG
I didn't even know that they were there until a staff approached us and gave us brochures about the programme flow and event.

Initially, my respond: Oh. Not exactly fond of going/visiting
Staff: Gentlebones is performing at .........
Me: GENTLEBONES? CAN TAKE PHOTO?
Staff: Yes it's free .........................
Me: LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AND WOO, I don't regret turning up for the performance.
THE PERFORMANCE WAS GREAT CONSIDERING THAT IT WAS A "LIVE" EVENT.
I literally went "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" whenever he sang because it was too good.
And not leaving out, his band as well.
Played well and sang well.
If I'm not wrong, this is kinda the first time that I'm actually really SUPPORTING a local production/band.

And I hope to see more. (Singapore has alot of talented ppl yo)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvGMUc-WxEA&list=UUTIcvFMyVCv5_4uMCI0rV7w

Take a lil of your time to listen if you want. One of my favourite pop songs now. :-)

HOW LUCKY CAN I GET. I was so shy that I forced Yuhan to take this photo tgt with me LOL
OK enough of fan-girling.
On a serious note, they're good, check them out yo.

Ciao

let Your love fall upon us

HELLO IM BACK WITH ANOTHER NEW POST
Im shocked myself that I can actually post twice in like less than 1/2 weeks
#achievementunlocked #clapformethx #kidding
SO... reason why im posting this is because, PRAYERMEET AND SERVICE WERE SO OVERWHELMING I CAN'T, I NEED TO LET IT OUT OF MY MIND so tada.

I'm going to try to organize what i want to say so.. let's start with prayermeet.
Exams season now and to those who know me, I'm really really not the study-material kind of student.
So, true enough I've been procrastinating alot, dragging time to study and revise and such, only chiong-ing last minute.
Had my first exam ystd and omg it was crap like I really honestly think I screwed it up. SO... i started feeling damn stress and anxious worried nervous etc about how my results will be.
But yeah, "Reap what you sow", so I can't expect good results if I dont even put in the effort to study LOL
Anyway, so with a heavy heart, I went for prayer meet. I was kinda sian and I really didn't expect to recieve anything from God, thinking " oh it's gonna just be another prayermeet " BUT LO AND BEHOLD, God showed himself and wahhhh was so touched I really literally cried cuz His spirit and presence was so overwhelming i can't handle it.

And I remember, for last sem, I had the exact same struggle with my studies too, friends around me and even God gave me a particular verse, GUESS WHAT, the verse was given again during prayermeet.
Jeremiah 29:11-13, " 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." 

Im really really not sure whether I will do better or even worse for this sem but yeah, why not put faith in what God has in plan for me? This may sound foolish and many may disagree, but to me, studies is important, but nothing is more important than what God has in store for me. Of course, we want to give in our best to glorify God's name at the end of the day, but even if the results are disappointing, we can still give thanks to God right? God > studies. (but of course, im praying that i'll give in my best and all for exams even though it's a lil too late now) God help me to be more like you, remind me of "what would Jesus do" when I'm lost, guide, lead and show me the way. 

Just when I thought it's WOAH enough, NNNNOPE. God once again prove and showed that He is good and His love endures forever. It's gonna seem quite long-winded but pls bear with me I really want to share this and hope somehow somewhere it'll bless you (whoever's reading).

I received a vision from God. Didn't want to overthink/confirm it at first but when words are being shared, I immediately cried out ' Thank you God '.

The vision goes like this.... (I actually drew it out on my sermon notepad but i can't transfer it here to let me describe it kk). God showed me a person standing in the midst and surrounded by flowers that are withered. It was dark. There seem to be nothing but sadness, nothing but pain, the whole place looked... almost scary. But then, clouds above started to form, and a ray of light shone down from above onto the ground. As the light travelled throughout the whole place, the sun came out, withered leaves and petals somehow began to arise and bloomed into beautiful colourful flowers and soon, the whole place was lighted up.

Please sub the following into the text above HAHAHA
Person = You. Me.
Withered leaves and petals = Our pain, our sadness, our problems obstacles etc. Hopelessness.
Ray of light = God's love
From above = Heaven
Bloomed flowers = Sadness replaced by God's love. Comfort, Joy, Peace, Happiness.
Whole place = Our hearts. 

And then, out of nowhere, i dont know why, something just struck my heart. It wasn't a voice, it wasn't something that I thought of it myself...

"I'll never let your tears fall"

I was like... what... are you serious LOL. But then I realised, the "tears" referred to "tears of sadness". Instead, let our tears fall because of joy. Let our tears fall because of gratefulness. In times of trouble and when you're going through shit, God is with you. Up till now I still can't fully comprehend what is that supposed to mean but that's how I think it is...

So yeah, I'm really quite amazed at what God really gave me for the past 2 days I really didn't expect it but asdfghjkl;sdkjahgfdea.. I dont even know if I'm making sense at all in this post but I'm just typing whatever I think and feel la so pardon me if im not making sense just wanna share to you what God has gave and placed in my heart

Thank You God for showing yourself to me even when at times I fail to focus and look to You. 
I'm truly blessed. :')

faith

Hi hahaha I AM BACKKKK
This is an unplanned post so I'm just typing whatever I'm thinking

So my question that came to my mind just now was, " Why are you still worrying when on the other hand, you have already prayed and said that you have committed it to God? "

I'm not saying that it's wrong to worry about your problems, but isn't it kinda ironic when you already prayed about it, and now you're still worrying whether God will answer your prayer or not. And one key thing in this is, Faith.

Matthew 21:21, "Jesus replied, "Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done." 

So here comes the next question, what exactly is this word, "Faith"?

We often hear people saying, you got to have faith when you pray, you got to have faith in this, in that, etc. And true enough, being able to have faith is really not an easy thing to achieve. We can say that we have faith, but somewhere deep down in our hearts, we will have this tiny lil thing that's called, "doubt". Till now, even I still struggle with having faith sometimes. And worse, there are times where by you do things, you do it to your best, you have faith that God will do the rest, but the results you get are way further from what you expected to get. Right?

Here's what I realised. By doing your best and committing all to God doesn't mean you have to get the results that you desire. At the end of the day, the results that you expect are YOUR WAY. But shouldn't we do things according to GOD'S WAY?

Precisely. When you change your perspective and put on God's lenses, you'll realise that all these that are happening is according to God's way. God didn't promise that we will always have good and up there results, God didn't promise that when we give our best, we won't fall. But God did promise us that He'll bring us through thick and thin, ups and downs, it's just a matter of whether you're sensitive to His presence or not.

I was reminded of this story yesterday during NP unit meet. The desert story.
When things are going according to your way, and you're really happy and joyful, on the sand, you'll see 2 pairs of footprints. One's yours, the other, God's.
But at times when you are facing troubles and obstacles, you start to only see 1 pair of footprints. And to you, you may be thinking 'Oh, so now God's not walking by my side. He doesn't love me anymore. He gave me all these things to go through even though He is suppose to love me"
Well well, that 1 pair of footprint doesn't belong to you. It belongs to God. God is carrying you through on his back (or even hand), walking through the troubles that you are facing.

I know that all these words are easy to be said(or in this case, typed out), but why not let's start living a life of Faith together? I'm still trying. So should you. :-)

 Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."

heart of serving

HELLOOOOOO

I can't contain my excitement the moment Project Sparkle ended so I quickly finished my project which is due on Monday and tada here I am writing typing this post. 

Anyway, for those who didn't attend or didn't know, Project Sparkle was today!

It's a day that we, as a church, just go around blessing people in the community by helping them clean their units, corridors, environment, and even giving out oranges to them(because cny is coming)!!

Without further a do, let me share with you what exactly happened today.

In the lift, we met an Indian man, he was kinda complaining that there were people who promised him that they would clean his house for him in the past but no one went to his unit and he felt kind of angry. He was gonna take the lift to 12, while we were going to 7. He knew that we were Christians but to my surprise, before we left the lift, he said "Praise the Lord. See you all" 

3 simple words, but that really struck me alot. Never would I have thought that someone random, a stranger, would say that to us.

Initially, NP4 was appointed to go to a unit, specifically, 7-49__, and we were all so excited to see what God has in store for us, some of us skipped there but when we reached the door step, we knocked (alot of times), but no one opened the door. To be honest, I was quite disappointed because I was expecting to give my best to help that particular unit. BUT IT'S OKAY, we move on with life... 

We then decided that we would go to 12th floor since the Indian man went to that floor. 

We went there, saw only one unit with tamil writings hanging on the door, we decided to knock the door, kinda expecting the person who's gonna open the door to be that Indian man we saw. 

But........... NOPE. It was an old lady, and when we offered to help, she kinda rejected us. 

Wow, to be honest, at that point of time, I really felt kind of sian, but something just spurred me on, because I know that God has a greater plan for us, to meet someone that He wants us to meet.

I kinda forgotten where we went after that, but we knocked quite alot of doors, but no one answered at all. We were even thinking of going back to Axis or take the bus to Chinatown to help out.

Just when we were about to walk away to the other side of the flat (kinda our last resort), a door behind us suddenly opened. 

WOW, LET ME TELL YOU, AT THAT TIME, EVERYONE'S HEADS TURNED TOGETHER HAHAHA and we were like " WOAHHHH" then ran to that unit because we were so happy that someone actually cared about us -wipes away emo tears-

When we arrived at the doorstep, we were greeted with a wheelchair bound Auntie. Initially, she seemed kinda scared and confused why we were there. Then, we explained that we were volunteers and she let us in to help her clean her fans because it was super dusty and kinda inconvenient for her to move about. So we agreed and went into the house.

Before I continue, let me tell you something. The Auntie only speaks limited Chinese and only can communicate mostly in Hokkien. I can only understand a little bit and Shumei can kinda understand too, but the rest of us are kinda blur (mostly understand, but do not know how to speak hahaha)

Ok, let's continue. We then helped to clean her fans, and at the same time, using limited and broken Hokkien to ask her if she needed help to clean the rest of her house.

Amazingly, she agreed! YAY which means we can do even more things to bless her. (Not that doing more things means that we are blessing her more, it just means that we are able to give our best to do what we can for her) 

As we cleaned, she began to open up more to us. AND THEN, at that moment, Jiayi saw a booklet on her table, with a title "Holistic booklet of having Christlikeness" (or smth like that). omg i tell you, my jaw drop because we were trying to find a time when we can share to her about Christ, but WOAH, God just gave us an opportunity like that. and of course, we treasured that opportunity and began to ask her if she has ever been to a church before. As she spoke, she began to share more stuffs to us and there were some things that really struck my heart and reminded me to hold it really close to my heart.

From all the things that she shared... this was what God really reminded me

1. If you want to help somebody, why not give it your best shot? :-)

2. If you see somebody in need of help, why not take a step of faith and courage, go to the person and help him/her? If it's not you, then who? 

3. Everything that you do comes down to your heart, your heart condition, your heart motive.

4. Why are we so quick to judge? Categorizing people into good and the bad? At the end of the day, everyone is equally important to God, we are all children of God, so why are we judging them according to what they do and not what they really are? God is the ultimate judge at the end of the day. If we pass judgement, we ourselves will be judged by God.

5. We don't need to have a heart and mindset that constant pursue and strive for ONLY worldly success. True enough, success is important and it's good to have. But sometimes, what we need to do is.... stop, drop everything you have, take a step back, and see. Appreciate what you already have, treasure what is already around you. 

I really dont know how I came up with all these conclusions, but as the old lady was sharing, all these just struck me. Struck me so much that I had to just take out my phone and note all of them down because I dont want to forget anything that I've been reminded of. 

When we were about to leave, the old lady was still talking and sharing. As she was sharing, the sincere look in her eyes really touched me at that point. I wanted to cry but then I would look kind of silly so I held it back LOL. She then kept thanking us and said bye in a really happy tone. 

I thought, " Thank you God. Thank you God for bringing us to this old lady. I've been reminded of much. Thank you for using us to bless her. "

She's happy not because we are good, we are skillful in helping her, but I really think she's happy because God worked through us and that really made her happy because as we blessed her, she herself has been blessed through the touch from God. 

AND YAY TO SHUMEI who finally had the chance to pray for someone in chinese hehehe (more to come yo), God opened a door for us to pray for the old lady, asking if she had any prayer requests. and woah, her prayer requests were simple, but heartfelt. All she wanted as good health, protection over her family and peace in whatever they do. 

So simple yet it means alot. 

There are many more things that I would like to express but I just dont know how and LOL i may sound too draggy and naggy. 

But the main reason for this post is not because I want to show how much we are able to do for her, not because what we manage to take away, but it's about how faithful God has been and will always be, using us to bless the old lady and speaking through her as well. Everything that happened was just so timely and it's like everything just fell into place as if someone is literally controlling every single thing that is to happen. (which in this case, it's God) 

AHHHHH I can't contain how mindblown I get when I experience God in such a way omg 

Something that the old woman said, "我们信主的人，一定要有一个好的心，出去外面帮助别人。我也不要只有我有一颗好的心，可是我也要把这份好的心传下去。我可以活这样的生活已经很满足了。“

( As Christians, we have to have a good heart, a heart that yearns to serve and to help people. Not only do I want to have a good heart, I also want to be able to pass down this goodness to the next generation and the generations that are yet to come. With this life that I'm living now, I'm already really contented. "

Acts 20:35

35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”

Dear God, 

Thank you for today. Thank you for everything. 

I pray that we continue to serve, we will have a heart of humility that God,

we are not doing this for ourselves, for our limelight, because at the end of the day, 

all Glory goes back to You and You alone. 

We are never good, we are never worthy. 

I pray that You'll constantly fill our hearts with Your spirit, 

and when our hearts are filled, we will pour it out to the people out there. 

Amen.

prayers.

A sudden thought of typing down my prayers here struck me so here I am.

Lots of things happened in this past 1 year, many good things, but many bad things as well. moments of joy, moments of hurt, so many moments that I wish i can type them down but LOL it's tooo long. 

I'm afraid I'll get lazy just before 2013 ends so I'm just going to post this now hahahaha

And yeah even as im typing this, things had just happened but ugh gonna put that aside. 

I didn't give it too much of a thought, but I came up with 3 main prayers that I would like to pray and type it here. 

Note: reason why I wanna type it here is because I want to keep myself accountable and I want to always constantly remind myself that I've made this 3 prayers (apart from telling my shepherd).

So... here it goes. 

1. Myself

As many of you know, Im actually quite a cheerful and happy person. But i can be really hot-headed and stubborn at times. I don't usually get angry when I'm out(excluding the times when I'm hungry haha), but I tend to lose my temper when I'm at home. God has blessed me with countless blessings in my life and I'm so so grateful but I don't want to let my behavior and emotions disappoint God. 

Dear God, I just want to pray that in this coming new year, or even starting from now, grow me and change me into the kind of person I was created to be. I want to be more of You and less of myself. When I'm feeling angry and about to lose my temper, God remind me of Your love and that we should love Your people as ourselves. God help me and guide me to where You want to lead me. Be it in the highs or in the lows, remind me that You'll always be there and that I'll always fix my eyes on You. God, this is not going to be easy, but I want to do it. I want to overcome all these and walk my journey faithfully with you. Thank you for now and for the things that You're going to be doing in my life. Amen.

2. Family

As mentioned in my previous posts, or some of you may have also read my wordpress (tsherploxy.wordpress.com) you should know that I have quite a severe family problem and my parents' relationship are not good... AT ALL. And most of the arguments and quarrels that I would have are normally when I'm home (as mentioned ^ too). Recently, I've been exhausted and I'm starting to give up hope on having God change and mend my broken family. It's not that I doubt the power of prayer or God, i know God is good and powerful, and he has even blessed my family by bringing them to Him, but sometimes i wonder... 

When is the change going to come? When is he going to mend my broken family? When will I be able to proudly share my testimony for God's glory? When will be the day that we can take a family photo with everyone having the widest smile on their face? When will be the day.. that we can say that we love each other as a family? And of course, when will be the day when we can all serve the Lord as a household together? (Joshua 24:15) : "But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

Dear God, I commit my family into Your hands. I may not understand why all these situations are happening in my family right now, and at times, I admit that I lose my temper and start to wonder why all these are happening, but God, I pray for assurance in not just my heart, but in each of  my family members' hearts that God, You will make a way. The day that we'll proudly give glory and boast in Your name is going to come. All the debts, all the brokeness, God, You will make a way. You're greater, You're stronger than all these problems that we are facing. I pray for the understand of everyone in my family too that we may have different opinions and views on things, but we are as One in Christ. I pray that before they/I speak and spark fire, God You'll first extinguish the fire in our hearts first. I believe for better things to come in my family, and I'm truly truly looking forward to that day. Thank You God for all that is happening, because through suffering, we'll learn. Everything happens for a reason. Thank you God, Amen.

3. School/Ministry

Christmas event has just gone by. 8 months of Poly life has just gone by. In this 8 months, so many things has happened. I've moved on from Youth to Polydins and I'm so glad that God brought me to where I am today. Serving in areas that I've never thought I would serve in, achievements that I never thought I would get. omg, God is just so good. Who am I that I should deserve all this? I'm just an unworthy sinner, but God, in You, I'm made whole. Truth to be told, there hasn't been much harvest in this 8 months, but there has been a great harvest in each of our hearts. I believe that as we continue to sow seeds, to people ALL AROUND us, the day of the harvest will come. If we don't sow, we can't expect harvest. So, why not? Ministry aside, I would also like to take time to thank God for my classmates and friends in poly, they are the ones that make me look forward to school and always bringing a smile to my face. sounds pretty cheesy but hey I'm serious ok. Though even till now, we might not still be SUPER close to each other, but I'm still thankful for this friendship that I've found :') 

Dear God, the end of year 1 is coming, 8 months has just gone by like that, and God, I don't want to waste the rest of the months away. God, I pray that we'll first open up our hearts to You for You to use each and every one of us. If we're not willing, You can't work through us. But as long as we're willing and doing it for Your glory, God i know that Your spirit will flood our hearts and lives and God each and every one of us, be it strong or weak, smart or not so smart, You can use each and every one of us. (1 Corinthians 1:27) : "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong" I am looking forward to the harvest that is yet to come. As we serve, God, expand our hearts as well as we let Your love overflow to the people around. Truly excited to what You're going to do. Thank You God, Amen. 

I need Your strength

God supplies and provides the things that we NEED not the things that we WANT. 

Hello everybody it's me again. After procrastinating for about a few years, days, weeks, i've decided to blog again haaha and i hope I dont just save this as a draft because previously I've saved a number of posts as drafts and never got to post it LOL

I have so so many things to tell you all but I dont even know where to start with. Hmmm lemme organize my thoughts. -organizing in process plz do not disturb- 

OK DONE

Lemme first tell you all about how tiring my week has been even though it's only been like 3/4 days into the week. This week, I have 2 projects, 1 test, 2 tutorials, 1 assignment waiting for me to complete. I have already completed 1 test and 1 of the projects and am currently doing my assignment now, but i still have alot of things yet to do :(

For my project, which is to be completed and presented this friday, HAS TO BE A 30 MINS LONG PRESENTATION. that's crazy man i can barely even present for 5 mins and now it's 30 mins?! wow and my group hasn't even finished doing it yet (we just started doing ystd) oh my gosh. Really praying for extra dosage of wisdom and strength to complete this, wanna give in my best. Regardless of the results, i want to be able to give thanks to You and know that I've already done my best even if it's too late now. 

Yup pls allow me to sidetrack for a lil bit while i talk about my ambition/dream/aim. 

Many people have told me that im crazy when i tell them that i wanna be a police(obviously not like what you see above, i just didnt want to post some authority copyrighted picture in case i get sued for using it HAHAHAHA)/go to army next time after I graduate from poly. But im kinda serious when i say those things. Beyond the nice uniform that they have, i really admire those that are able to make it to join the police forces and those who are in combat training in the army (like woah, i really want to become one of them). After sending my brother off to army last wednesday, i wanted to join army too because it's just too cool and i dont know what's wrong with me but passion and determination of wanting to join just overwhelmed me. I may not be sure if I will really be determined when the time comes(when i graduate), but for now im really kinda serious that i want to make it come true next time. hahaha God show me your will and your way. is it your calling for me to go be a police/join the army? HAHAHA we'll see about that in 2 to 3 years time. and not to mention, recently, movies that i've been watching are all about police and fighting kind of genres and ohmygosh im even more motivated for it now hahahah 

The words may seem familiar to some of you, but if it's not dont worry.

Lemme talk about Praise and Worship service last week. (why do i sound like im giving a lecture or presentation now lol) 

Honestly, the words above spoken by the P&W Leader really struck me hard that I couldn't help but say "Im sorry God, Im sorry for not coming as I am to worship you and to praise you"

For some of us, I think that P&W has become a habit and routine kind of thing, that everytime we go for service, we expect the same old "programmes" to be repeated again and again. Instead of coming to God with a true and sincere heart to worship, sometimes, we take it for granted and we just worship because we are told to do so and everyone else is doing it, so why not? 

God doesn't want us to go to Him with a strong front, with an act that we are actually worshiping, but God wants us to go to Him just as we are, just as who we really really are. 

We worship not because we have problems and we desperately want God to solve our problems, but we worship because we want to put aside our problems and to focus and put God in the center of it. Dont let your problems hinder you from worship. Because at the end of the day, God is still bigger than everything else. God is still victorious even in our darkest of times. God is still faithful even when we feel that the whole world has turned against us.

I think it's amazing how we as sinners, are so unworthy to reconcile with God and yet, God still never stop loving us. So faithful, so constant.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship

And it's all about you

It's all about you, Jesus

I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it

When it's all about you

It's all about you, Jesus

~ Hillsong United - Heart of worship

Purpose

OKAY. SO....

Im currently stuck outside my house so im sweating like a pig and zxcvbnmpoiuhgf it's really really hot here.

-wipes away sweat-

Well anyways, today's post is not gonna be about what I posted on 9oct about what i will be posting today (oh, you see what i did there? lol ok i bet you're confused)

but yeah, today's post is gonna be kinda short but i just wanna tell you guys(and girls) about my main purpose of creating this blog. 

\

Okay, so other than being bored and wanting to share my life with (idk who reads this, fill in your name here), I also hope that through this blog, you all can actually see and know the greatness of God.

Regardless of whatever religion you are, don't worry, plz read on because I'm not here to 'promote' my God kind of thing here.

I'm just posting this to also express how grateful I actually am towards God, be it He blessed me with my friends, family or even the littlest things, I want to share my Joy with you all.

Rather than tasting and testifying the goodness of God alone, I want to share it with you all too ;)

People say, good things are meant to be shared.

so tada i wanna share my joy and happiness with you all too.

but obviously, life isn't always smooth sailing too so there will/may be some posts whereby i will just pen(type) down my thoughts on my posts but that's also part of sharing my life too isn't it. :-) 

\

And yeah, I also sincerely hope that my posts has encouraged/made you happy and if I did, im really happy.

lol you people cant see the joy im having just by what i type but hey im really sincere about it. 

so yeah, 

all above all, this blog is mainly just to share my life and to glorify God's name and as well as showing and testifying to you guys how awesome and great and good and wonderful and etc God actually is. 

THANKS FOR READING

NP CAMP ; Next-Gen Svc

HIHI!

brrrrr it's raining right now shiok weather to sleep in ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ

As promised (okay maybe i didnt promise), I'll be blogging about NP camp and Next-Gen Svc in this post!

-bows- applause pls ok im kidding

This is what crazy things I'll type especially it's like 1:44am in the morning now (Prolly 2/2+ by the time i publish this post but ohwell)

so... where should I start. There's just so many things that God has blessed me greatly with that i really dk where to start. 

Okay, let me start with Next-Gen Svc first then.

Initially, I thought that this service would just be like any other service that I served in, but God proved me wrong.

This time, it felt different.

God touched me in a way I never expected Him to and yeah I was scolded by God for thinking that serving is just a routine/same kind of thing every time.

I'm not sure how to put my feelings into words but.....

This was one of the services that God told me "You have to depend on me to serve My people. Let me minister to you first before you even think of ministering to other people out there" 

When God told me this, i went like "woahhhwowhaowhoaoh ok....."

But yeah, this struck me so hard that all that at that moment, i just thought, I need to give my best to God. 

Even though there were hiccups along the way during service and our skills may not be up to the standard of how it would usually be during other services, but God still moved, God is still sovereign, God remains the same even if earthly things change. 

"God I pray that you'll grow the Next-Gen people, grow us to become more and more like you Jesus. 

Let us not focus on how good our skills should be, but let us focus on how we should set our heart right before You in order to serve You and Your people. 

Skills may be important, but our hearts towards You are much more important. Help us to become young people that you want us to be, that as we grow older physically and spiritually in the future, we may influence the generation after us to love You even greater, serve You even harder and to praise and worship You with all of their hearts. Thank You Jesus. Amen."

Oh by the way what's a post without pictures man so HAHAHAH here it is:

MOVING ON......

NP CAMP

LOL WOW THIS. I DONT EVEN KNOW MAN. 

GOD IS JUST SO GOOOOOOOOOOOD.

So firstly, I went to camp with a heart that wasn't really prepared and i just didn't know what to expect of this camp, but God proved me wrong as He touched my heart during this 3 days 2 nights camp (even though i wasn't there on the second day). One of my camp objectives was to submit all that i have in my hands to God, for example, my cca, studies, ministry, etc. Initially, i felt very burdened and weighed down by all these commitments i have, but during pnw on the first night, i was so touched by the holy spirit that i couldn't help but cry, and at that moment, i felt the weight being lifted off my chest and I'm really really thankful to God for that.

Secondly, God actually gave me a vision during day 3's pnw. It's a picture of 2 different hearts. One: A heart that has a really small fire within. Two: A heart that has a really big fire within. But then, water came to wash and extinguish the fire in both of the hearts. And guess what happens next? You might be thinking that the fire in the first heart got extinguished first right? well, not exactly.The first heart ended up having an overwhelming fire that the heart cannot contain, while the second heart had it's fire extinguished.The water represents our problems and challenges that we're currently facing.And in the first heart, despite having it's small fire "attacked" by the water, the fire didnt extinguish but became a bigger fire. Instead of stumbling and falling because of our reliance on our own strength and doing things in our own way, putting problems > God, we ought to look to God, ought to seek His face and because of His grace and love for us, He will definitely bring us through. God wants the best for us, and we may be at our worst state now, but hey, God has great plans for you ahead.~ Set a fire down in my soul, that I can't contain and I can't control.
Lastly, God gave me this word that I believe He wants to speak to us about. The word is: REVIVAL.And by this word, it means both: Revival in the SPIRIT and revival in HARVEST.let's lead a spirit empowered life and avail our hearts for God to move through and in us, using us as vessels of Christ, making an impact not just in our own hearts but all around our individual schools, courses, workplace, etc. 

Those were what I actually shared on HOPE NP'S wall. and apart from that, I wanna thank God for using me during this camp. Thank you God for bringing the OPENING team through the performance.

Even though we were so so unprepared and only managed to practice together on the day itself, BUT BAM, God you brought us through and the performance came out unexpectedly well. Thank you God. :')

And next, thank you God for giving me this heart of worship, even though I was support-singing, it wasn't about just singing the notes and lyrics right but God, you moved in my heart and I was truly touched by your presence.

To all of you who are serving out there, always remember to humble your hearts down before God because at the end of the day, God is indeed bigger and stronger and greater than all else. Your skills may be the #1 Top standard, but without setting your heart right, it can only bring you this far. But if you choose to humble yourself down and devote your ALL to God, and by all, i mean ALL to God, God will bring you THIS FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (and further than this) 

God, I pray for NP as well that God, there'll be a revival in not just quantity, but also in quality. Let us set our hearts right first before wanting to grow our LG. God use us as vessels to go out there to bless people, spreading your gospel courageously because God i know that you'll never forsake us and if we choose to honor you, You will honor us as well. Thank You God. 

END

There's always something to be thankful about. :')

HELLO EVERYBODY.

I finally got my lazy ass out of bed and decided to write this blogpost since i've been procrastinating it for a long time. Okay not very long only about a few days BUT STILL...

HERE IT IS.

This is gonna be an update of a series of things that has happened in the past few days/weeks and i dont know why but i just cant wait to share it with you guys(even though there wont be people reading this, its ok)

First:

POLYDINS LEADERSHIP CAMP

I cant put into words how fruitful this camp actually was but im still gonna try. Lemme tell you this, GOD MOVED BIG TIME DURING THIS CAMP. I've received so so much from God that I'm just awed and amazed and shocked and happy and grateful and etc etc etc. 

Well to be honest, I went to camp with an attitude of  "I do not know what to expect", "How different would this camp be from others? ", " ah awkward awkward and awkward" . Yes, if you didn't know, I'm a socially awkward person (especially to those that I'm not close with/ those that I dont even know)

So okay, carrying those thoughts and feelings, I went for camp.

AND TO MY SURPRISE,

Even during heart preparation, I've already received so much from God.
I was so so awed by the Holy Spirit and truly, God's presence was so overwhelming.
And God gave me this two words: First Love.
Many at times, we serve and serve, but who exactly are we serving for? Why exactly are we serving?

Heart Check: Am I still doing this for my one true First Love, which is Jesus Christ? 

Serving is not just about making sure that our skills are sharpened are zai and all but hey, serving is more than just about it's structure, it's going OUT THERE to meet people's needs.

And on a side note, I'm just so amazed by the spirit of the leaders present at the camp as well.
The spirit of wanting to have spirit impartation into the younger and soon-to-be leaders really amazed me.
Instead of ending the night early and to have more time to sleep, my awesome games team decided to have a time of sharing and Q&A session regarding leadership. And truly, it was so fruitful as everyone was giving their attention and wanting to really learn something to apply it in their leadership journey. wow. :')

GAMES TEAM. TEAM BLUUUUUUUE

Awesome bunch of leaders. May God continue to anoint them and to grow from glory to glory for God. :')

SECONDLY:
MY BIRTHDAY

Words can't express how thankful I am to everyone who wished me and even people who made the effort to surprise me just to celebrate my birthday. omg even when i'm typing this I cant help but smile :-)

 Firstly, my dearest bestest Acappella peeps planned and surprised me on 30thSeptember. omg i was so touched that i teared but hey i didnt cry ok. Big girls dont cry(but i still do LOL)
I receive a huge-ass soft-toy dog on that day and LOL i had a hard time trying to carry it home without being judged HAHAHAH
still thankful though.

Next, this beautiful girl on the right you see on the top ^, she wanted to surprise me and my home but unfortunately i was out. Despite knowing that I'm outside, she still walked and made her way to my home after work just to pass me a slice of cake and wanting to wish me happy birthday. :') how sweet can she get. 

Not just a fun friend to be with, but also one of my spiritual support that I'm thankful to God for. What would I do without you? I love you berber muacks x. i would write an whole essay for you if I could but hey you know my love for you right. so THANK YOU again.

Okay, the jar you see on the above ^, it contains 100 cranes that one of TP friends made for me! I wonder how long that took but I'm sincerely touched by it. The effort he used to make this I wouldn't understand it but i'm still thankful! 

My dear Ginger had dinner with me on my birthday itself at Hot Tomato. hahaha awkward photo taken but LOL it's ok. Love spending time talking to you about life and getting to know you more! Thank you :-)

-TO BE CONTINUED-

Next post: NP camp and Next-gen service.