prayers.

A sudden thought of typing down my prayers here struck me so here I am.

Lots of things happened in this past 1 year, many good things, but many bad things as well. moments of joy, moments of hurt, so many moments that I wish i can type them down but LOL it's tooo long. 

I'm afraid I'll get lazy just before 2013 ends so I'm just going to post this now hahahaha

And yeah even as im typing this, things had just happened but ugh gonna put that aside. 

I didn't give it too much of a thought, but I came up with 3 main prayers that I would like to pray and type it here. 

Note: reason why I wanna type it here is because I want to keep myself accountable and I want to always constantly remind myself that I've made this 3 prayers (apart from telling my shepherd).

So... here it goes. 

1. Myself

As many of you know, Im actually quite a cheerful and happy person. But i can be really hot-headed and stubborn at times. I don't usually get angry when I'm out(excluding the times when I'm hungry haha), but I tend to lose my temper when I'm at home. God has blessed me with countless blessings in my life and I'm so so grateful but I don't want to let my behavior and emotions disappoint God. 

Dear God, I just want to pray that in this coming new year, or even starting from now, grow me and change me into the kind of person I was created to be. I want to be more of You and less of myself. When I'm feeling angry and about to lose my temper, God remind me of Your love and that we should love Your people as ourselves. God help me and guide me to where You want to lead me. Be it in the highs or in the lows, remind me that You'll always be there and that I'll always fix my eyes on You. God, this is not going to be easy, but I want to do it. I want to overcome all these and walk my journey faithfully with you. Thank you for now and for the things that You're going to be doing in my life. Amen.

2. Family

As mentioned in my previous posts, or some of you may have also read my wordpress (tsherploxy.wordpress.com) you should know that I have quite a severe family problem and my parents' relationship are not good... AT ALL. And most of the arguments and quarrels that I would have are normally when I'm home (as mentioned ^ too). Recently, I've been exhausted and I'm starting to give up hope on having God change and mend my broken family. It's not that I doubt the power of prayer or God, i know God is good and powerful, and he has even blessed my family by bringing them to Him, but sometimes i wonder... 

When is the change going to come? When is he going to mend my broken family? When will I be able to proudly share my testimony for God's glory? When will be the day that we can take a family photo with everyone having the widest smile on their face? When will be the day.. that we can say that we love each other as a family? And of course, when will be the day when we can all serve the Lord as a household together? (Joshua 24:15) : "But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

Dear God, I commit my family into Your hands. I may not understand why all these situations are happening in my family right now, and at times, I admit that I lose my temper and start to wonder why all these are happening, but God, I pray for assurance in not just my heart, but in each of  my family members' hearts that God, You will make a way. The day that we'll proudly give glory and boast in Your name is going to come. All the debts, all the brokeness, God, You will make a way. You're greater, You're stronger than all these problems that we are facing. I pray for the understand of everyone in my family too that we may have different opinions and views on things, but we are as One in Christ. I pray that before they/I speak and spark fire, God You'll first extinguish the fire in our hearts first. I believe for better things to come in my family, and I'm truly truly looking forward to that day. Thank You God for all that is happening, because through suffering, we'll learn. Everything happens for a reason. Thank you God, Amen.

3. School/Ministry

Christmas event has just gone by. 8 months of Poly life has just gone by. In this 8 months, so many things has happened. I've moved on from Youth to Polydins and I'm so glad that God brought me to where I am today. Serving in areas that I've never thought I would serve in, achievements that I never thought I would get. omg, God is just so good. Who am I that I should deserve all this? I'm just an unworthy sinner, but God, in You, I'm made whole. Truth to be told, there hasn't been much harvest in this 8 months, but there has been a great harvest in each of our hearts. I believe that as we continue to sow seeds, to people ALL AROUND us, the day of the harvest will come. If we don't sow, we can't expect harvest. So, why not? Ministry aside, I would also like to take time to thank God for my classmates and friends in poly, they are the ones that make me look forward to school and always bringing a smile to my face. sounds pretty cheesy but hey I'm serious ok. Though even till now, we might not still be SUPER close to each other, but I'm still thankful for this friendship that I've found :') 

Dear God, the end of year 1 is coming, 8 months has just gone by like that, and God, I don't want to waste the rest of the months away. God, I pray that we'll first open up our hearts to You for You to use each and every one of us. If we're not willing, You can't work through us. But as long as we're willing and doing it for Your glory, God i know that Your spirit will flood our hearts and lives and God each and every one of us, be it strong or weak, smart or not so smart, You can use each and every one of us. (1 Corinthians 1:27) : "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong" I am looking forward to the harvest that is yet to come. As we serve, God, expand our hearts as well as we let Your love overflow to the people around. Truly excited to what You're going to do. Thank You God, Amen. 

I need Your strength

God supplies and provides the things that we NEED not the things that we WANT. 

Hello everybody it's me again. After procrastinating for about a few years, days, weeks, i've decided to blog again haaha and i hope I dont just save this as a draft because previously I've saved a number of posts as drafts and never got to post it LOL

I have so so many things to tell you all but I dont even know where to start with. Hmmm lemme organize my thoughts. -organizing in process plz do not disturb- 

OK DONE

Lemme first tell you all about how tiring my week has been even though it's only been like 3/4 days into the week. This week, I have 2 projects, 1 test, 2 tutorials, 1 assignment waiting for me to complete. I have already completed 1 test and 1 of the projects and am currently doing my assignment now, but i still have alot of things yet to do :(

For my project, which is to be completed and presented this friday, HAS TO BE A 30 MINS LONG PRESENTATION. that's crazy man i can barely even present for 5 mins and now it's 30 mins?! wow and my group hasn't even finished doing it yet (we just started doing ystd) oh my gosh. Really praying for extra dosage of wisdom and strength to complete this, wanna give in my best. Regardless of the results, i want to be able to give thanks to You and know that I've already done my best even if it's too late now. 

Yup pls allow me to sidetrack for a lil bit while i talk about my ambition/dream/aim. 

Many people have told me that im crazy when i tell them that i wanna be a police(obviously not like what you see above, i just didnt want to post some authority copyrighted picture in case i get sued for using it HAHAHAHA)/go to army next time after I graduate from poly. But im kinda serious when i say those things. Beyond the nice uniform that they have, i really admire those that are able to make it to join the police forces and those who are in combat training in the army (like woah, i really want to become one of them). After sending my brother off to army last wednesday, i wanted to join army too because it's just too cool and i dont know what's wrong with me but passion and determination of wanting to join just overwhelmed me. I may not be sure if I will really be determined when the time comes(when i graduate), but for now im really kinda serious that i want to make it come true next time. hahaha God show me your will and your way. is it your calling for me to go be a police/join the army? HAHAHA we'll see about that in 2 to 3 years time. and not to mention, recently, movies that i've been watching are all about police and fighting kind of genres and ohmygosh im even more motivated for it now hahahah 

The words may seem familiar to some of you, but if it's not dont worry.

Lemme talk about Praise and Worship service last week. (why do i sound like im giving a lecture or presentation now lol) 

Honestly, the words above spoken by the P&W Leader really struck me hard that I couldn't help but say "Im sorry God, Im sorry for not coming as I am to worship you and to praise you"

For some of us, I think that P&W has become a habit and routine kind of thing, that everytime we go for service, we expect the same old "programmes" to be repeated again and again. Instead of coming to God with a true and sincere heart to worship, sometimes, we take it for granted and we just worship because we are told to do so and everyone else is doing it, so why not? 

God doesn't want us to go to Him with a strong front, with an act that we are actually worshiping, but God wants us to go to Him just as we are, just as who we really really are. 

We worship not because we have problems and we desperately want God to solve our problems, but we worship because we want to put aside our problems and to focus and put God in the center of it. Dont let your problems hinder you from worship. Because at the end of the day, God is still bigger than everything else. God is still victorious even in our darkest of times. God is still faithful even when we feel that the whole world has turned against us.

I think it's amazing how we as sinners, are so unworthy to reconcile with God and yet, God still never stop loving us. So faithful, so constant.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship

And it's all about you

It's all about you, Jesus

I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it

When it's all about you

It's all about you, Jesus

~ Hillsong United - Heart of worship

Purpose

OKAY. SO....

Im currently stuck outside my house so im sweating like a pig and zxcvbnmpoiuhgf it's really really hot here.

-wipes away sweat-

Well anyways, today's post is not gonna be about what I posted on 9oct about what i will be posting today (oh, you see what i did there? lol ok i bet you're confused)

but yeah, today's post is gonna be kinda short but i just wanna tell you guys(and girls) about my main purpose of creating this blog. 

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Okay, so other than being bored and wanting to share my life with (idk who reads this, fill in your name here), I also hope that through this blog, you all can actually see and know the greatness of God.

Regardless of whatever religion you are, don't worry, plz read on because I'm not here to 'promote' my God kind of thing here.

I'm just posting this to also express how grateful I actually am towards God, be it He blessed me with my friends, family or even the littlest things, I want to share my Joy with you all.

Rather than tasting and testifying the goodness of God alone, I want to share it with you all too ;)

People say, good things are meant to be shared.

so tada i wanna share my joy and happiness with you all too.

but obviously, life isn't always smooth sailing too so there will/may be some posts whereby i will just pen(type) down my thoughts on my posts but that's also part of sharing my life too isn't it. :-) 

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And yeah, I also sincerely hope that my posts has encouraged/made you happy and if I did, im really happy.

lol you people cant see the joy im having just by what i type but hey im really sincere about it. 

so yeah, 

all above all, this blog is mainly just to share my life and to glorify God's name and as well as showing and testifying to you guys how awesome and great and good and wonderful and etc God actually is. 

THANKS FOR READING

NP CAMP ; Next-Gen Svc

HIHI!

brrrrr it's raining right now shiok weather to sleep in ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ

As promised (okay maybe i didnt promise), I'll be blogging about NP camp and Next-Gen Svc in this post!

-bows- applause pls ok im kidding

This is what crazy things I'll type especially it's like 1:44am in the morning now (Prolly 2/2+ by the time i publish this post but ohwell)

so... where should I start. There's just so many things that God has blessed me greatly with that i really dk where to start. 

Okay, let me start with Next-Gen Svc first then.

Initially, I thought that this service would just be like any other service that I served in, but God proved me wrong.

This time, it felt different.

God touched me in a way I never expected Him to and yeah I was scolded by God for thinking that serving is just a routine/same kind of thing every time.

I'm not sure how to put my feelings into words but.....

This was one of the services that God told me "You have to depend on me to serve My people. Let me minister to you first before you even think of ministering to other people out there" 

When God told me this, i went like "woahhhwowhaowhoaoh ok....."

But yeah, this struck me so hard that all that at that moment, i just thought, I need to give my best to God. 

Even though there were hiccups along the way during service and our skills may not be up to the standard of how it would usually be during other services, but God still moved, God is still sovereign, God remains the same even if earthly things change. 

"God I pray that you'll grow the Next-Gen people, grow us to become more and more like you Jesus. 

Let us not focus on how good our skills should be, but let us focus on how we should set our heart right before You in order to serve You and Your people. 

Skills may be important, but our hearts towards You are much more important. Help us to become young people that you want us to be, that as we grow older physically and spiritually in the future, we may influence the generation after us to love You even greater, serve You even harder and to praise and worship You with all of their hearts. Thank You Jesus. Amen."

Oh by the way what's a post without pictures man so HAHAHAH here it is:

MOVING ON......

NP CAMP

LOL WOW THIS. I DONT EVEN KNOW MAN. 

GOD IS JUST SO GOOOOOOOOOOOD.

So firstly, I went to camp with a heart that wasn't really prepared and i just didn't know what to expect of this camp, but God proved me wrong as He touched my heart during this 3 days 2 nights camp (even though i wasn't there on the second day). One of my camp objectives was to submit all that i have in my hands to God, for example, my cca, studies, ministry, etc. Initially, i felt very burdened and weighed down by all these commitments i have, but during pnw on the first night, i was so touched by the holy spirit that i couldn't help but cry, and at that moment, i felt the weight being lifted off my chest and I'm really really thankful to God for that.

Secondly, God actually gave me a vision during day 3's pnw. It's a picture of 2 different hearts. One: A heart that has a really small fire within. Two: A heart that has a really big fire within. But then, water came to wash and extinguish the fire in both of the hearts. And guess what happens next? You might be thinking that the fire in the first heart got extinguished first right? well, not exactly.The first heart ended up having an overwhelming fire that the heart cannot contain, while the second heart had it's fire extinguished.The water represents our problems and challenges that we're currently facing.And in the first heart, despite having it's small fire "attacked" by the water, the fire didnt extinguish but became a bigger fire. Instead of stumbling and falling because of our reliance on our own strength and doing things in our own way, putting problems > God, we ought to look to God, ought to seek His face and because of His grace and love for us, He will definitely bring us through. God wants the best for us, and we may be at our worst state now, but hey, God has great plans for you ahead.~ Set a fire down in my soul, that I can't contain and I can't control.
Lastly, God gave me this word that I believe He wants to speak to us about. The word is: REVIVAL.And by this word, it means both: Revival in the SPIRIT and revival in HARVEST.let's lead a spirit empowered life and avail our hearts for God to move through and in us, using us as vessels of Christ, making an impact not just in our own hearts but all around our individual schools, courses, workplace, etc. 

Those were what I actually shared on HOPE NP'S wall. and apart from that, I wanna thank God for using me during this camp. Thank you God for bringing the OPENING team through the performance.

Even though we were so so unprepared and only managed to practice together on the day itself, BUT BAM, God you brought us through and the performance came out unexpectedly well. Thank you God. :')

And next, thank you God for giving me this heart of worship, even though I was support-singing, it wasn't about just singing the notes and lyrics right but God, you moved in my heart and I was truly touched by your presence.

To all of you who are serving out there, always remember to humble your hearts down before God because at the end of the day, God is indeed bigger and stronger and greater than all else. Your skills may be the #1 Top standard, but without setting your heart right, it can only bring you this far. But if you choose to humble yourself down and devote your ALL to God, and by all, i mean ALL to God, God will bring you THIS FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR (and further than this) 

God, I pray for NP as well that God, there'll be a revival in not just quantity, but also in quality. Let us set our hearts right first before wanting to grow our LG. God use us as vessels to go out there to bless people, spreading your gospel courageously because God i know that you'll never forsake us and if we choose to honor you, You will honor us as well. Thank You God. 

END

There's always something to be thankful about. :')

HELLO EVERYBODY.

I finally got my lazy ass out of bed and decided to write this blogpost since i've been procrastinating it for a long time. Okay not very long only about a few days BUT STILL...

HERE IT IS.

This is gonna be an update of a series of things that has happened in the past few days/weeks and i dont know why but i just cant wait to share it with you guys(even though there wont be people reading this, its ok)

First:

POLYDINS LEADERSHIP CAMP

I cant put into words how fruitful this camp actually was but im still gonna try. Lemme tell you this, GOD MOVED BIG TIME DURING THIS CAMP. I've received so so much from God that I'm just awed and amazed and shocked and happy and grateful and etc etc etc. 

Well to be honest, I went to camp with an attitude of  "I do not know what to expect", "How different would this camp be from others? ", " ah awkward awkward and awkward" . Yes, if you didn't know, I'm a socially awkward person (especially to those that I'm not close with/ those that I dont even know)

So okay, carrying those thoughts and feelings, I went for camp.

AND TO MY SURPRISE,

Even during heart preparation, I've already received so much from God.
I was so so awed by the Holy Spirit and truly, God's presence was so overwhelming.
And God gave me this two words: First Love.
Many at times, we serve and serve, but who exactly are we serving for? Why exactly are we serving?

Heart Check: Am I still doing this for my one true First Love, which is Jesus Christ? 

Serving is not just about making sure that our skills are sharpened are zai and all but hey, serving is more than just about it's structure, it's going OUT THERE to meet people's needs.

And on a side note, I'm just so amazed by the spirit of the leaders present at the camp as well.
The spirit of wanting to have spirit impartation into the younger and soon-to-be leaders really amazed me.
Instead of ending the night early and to have more time to sleep, my awesome games team decided to have a time of sharing and Q&A session regarding leadership. And truly, it was so fruitful as everyone was giving their attention and wanting to really learn something to apply it in their leadership journey. wow. :')

GAMES TEAM. TEAM BLUUUUUUUE

Awesome bunch of leaders. May God continue to anoint them and to grow from glory to glory for God. :')

SECONDLY:
MY BIRTHDAY

Words can't express how thankful I am to everyone who wished me and even people who made the effort to surprise me just to celebrate my birthday. omg even when i'm typing this I cant help but smile :-)

 Firstly, my dearest bestest Acappella peeps planned and surprised me on 30thSeptember. omg i was so touched that i teared but hey i didnt cry ok. Big girls dont cry(but i still do LOL)
I receive a huge-ass soft-toy dog on that day and LOL i had a hard time trying to carry it home without being judged HAHAHAH
still thankful though.

Next, this beautiful girl on the right you see on the top ^, she wanted to surprise me and my home but unfortunately i was out. Despite knowing that I'm outside, she still walked and made her way to my home after work just to pass me a slice of cake and wanting to wish me happy birthday. :') how sweet can she get. 

Not just a fun friend to be with, but also one of my spiritual support that I'm thankful to God for. What would I do without you? I love you berber muacks x. i would write an whole essay for you if I could but hey you know my love for you right. so THANK YOU again.

Okay, the jar you see on the above ^, it contains 100 cranes that one of TP friends made for me! I wonder how long that took but I'm sincerely touched by it. The effort he used to make this I wouldn't understand it but i'm still thankful! 

My dear Ginger had dinner with me on my birthday itself at Hot Tomato. hahaha awkward photo taken but LOL it's ok. Love spending time talking to you about life and getting to know you more! Thank you :-)

-TO BE CONTINUED-

Next post: NP camp and Next-gen service. 

physically tired, Spiritually refreshed

This is exactly how I look like now while typing this blogpost HAHAHA ok maybe not as cute as that cat ^

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Anyway, past two days has been busy busy and busy for me especially yesterday

but im actually thankful that both days were kinda fruitful though heh

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Wednesday: Had Acappella practice in school which was from 430 to 10 but apparently i was late because i was lazy to prepare earlier and had to wait for Joel to get ready and board the bus before i can board any 74 since he stayed at amk too.

SO, i ended up missing 3 buses and UNFORTUNATELY, out of all the double-deck buses, he boarded the single deck one HAHAHA 

Practice was very fruitful though! Initially, I tried for solo for 2NE1's ugly but then Joe said that he didnt really need anymore juniors for this time round's concert so i got moved to the "Jessie J's Wild" group. Being a backing 1 and sop for almost idk how many years of my life, i got asked to learn and sing backing 2 for that song. IT WAS SO STRESSFUL at first because i could hardly catch any notes and the timing for the parts and all but yay finally learnt it (still need to continue practicing though) 

so yeah practice ended LATE, it was already like 10plus close to 11.

Went for supper at Macs together with Joel and Az because i didnt had any lunch or dinner that day so i needed food to keep me alive.

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Thursday: WHAT A BUSY DAY. Rushed for Acappella practice again and without a doubt, i was late again but hey i arrived just on time to practice ok (thank God they started late) 

God sure has His own timing and plan because everything for that day was planned out so perfectly! 

There were timeslots for each item to rehearse on stage in Music Box and the kind seniors actually decided to put "Wild" as the first item to rehearse YAY 

It's not my first time on stage but this time it felt so so different. 

It was one per part and each part has their own individual mics to use and if one person screws up the whole song is screwed and yeah we kinda screwed it up HAHA but it's ok i believe practice makes perfect

rehearsal was from 7-730, ended later than that though and i had to leave immediately to rush to Axis for Music Practice for this saturday's service. 

Thank God for my dad for going all the way to school to fetch me to Axis heh i have the best dad ever.

AND SURPRISINGLY, even though music prac was suppose to start at 730, i reached at 8 plus and they were still doing soundcheck. thank you God for planning out all this so nicely for me :')

practice went great, had many laughs throughout the whole thing. 

Fellowship is truly important to every individual and i truly appreciate every moment of fellowship that i have with people around me. :')

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Went for supper after that with dear Joanne and Donald at amk S11 and we met this auntie on our way there, begging, crying and asking us for money. Truly, we need to open up our eyes to the people in real needs around us but we shouldn't turn a blind eye to people who are out there to scam for money. I pray that  the heart of the woman that we met yesterday will be softened, so soft that she'll realise that all this actions that she is doing isn't worth it at all. Instead, she should find a proper job to earn money instead. God i pray that you'll heal her heart, give her a new perspective of what she really wants to achieve and i pray that God you'll be able to bless her with a job instead of what she's doing right now. :)

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all in all, im thankful for everything that has happened in the past few days!

Pray that tomorrow's service will be a blast. 

God, touch my heart and minister to me before You even use me to minister to Your people. And God, as I serve, I pray that I'll serve with a humble heart, serve with the right motive, that is to glorify Your name. You above all else. And i also pray for good health and voice, not just to sound good, but to be able to serve you to my very best and that people will worship and praise you to their very best because You're worthy oh God.

Thank you God :') 

God > Me.

no title

Hello to the nobody(s) that I'm blogging this to.

No idea why I decided to create a whole new blog here even though I already have a wordpress LOL

but I guess I'll be updating this blog more frequently than my wordpress cuz I'll be using that to post testimonies and happenings regards to more of my spiritual life(?)

Almost half of my holidays are gone and I still have no idea what have I been doing the past few weeks.

I'll be pretty busy starting from next week onwards... gotta go for camps such as the upcoming Leadership camp. Hope NP camp and gotta attend CCA practices for the upcoming concerts as well. 

WHY DID I WASTE MY FIRST FEW WEEKS AWAY

partly I'll have to blame on my weak and retarded immune system. 

been really easily prone to falling sick ever since this holidays.

first, i had horribleterriblevegetable flu cough and what not, and now im down with nausea and headache and so on. LOL the doctor was worried that im pregnant ystd when i went to the docs since i had nausea.

and i have nothing to talk about now.

OH since askfm came to my mind, i shall pen(type) down my thoughts here.

the thing about askfm is that i hate how people are anonymous(even though i know it's meant to be like this)

cuz i get freaking confused to who's asking which question and i always end up answering answers wrongly to the wrong person zzz

oh and i dont get how some people can get so many questions when i hardly ever get 1(note:im not trying to get more questions by typing this. dont misunderstand)

HAHA

heading to bed soon, gotta wake up early tomorrow for A cappella training in school whoopwhoop

I pray for more strength and wisdom in this holidays that i may use it fruitfully to glorify Your name, though I've constantly fall short of Your perfect standard, You still chose to love me and never forsake me. Thank You, God.